Day 6

This is difficult to write.

I am reeling from the murder of a former client, someone who I worked with for three years.

A beautiful soul was this lad.

As a Social Worker, dealing with trauma is something I have done for three decades.

But it is never easy holding space for those traumatised and marginalised.

However since 2014, what youth offending teams up and down the country are facing is unprecedented.

The rise in youth violence and violence in the U.K. generally is unprecedented and the rise in so many dying unnecessarily and for reasons that are nonsensical is beyond tragic.

I arrived at work yesterday at 935am to be told by one of the Managers that my former Client was murdered very near his home and died on the spot, stabbed by several young people.

I had to sit down.

I let the news sink in.

I cried.

I had a deep connection with the Client.

I had really advocated for him in prison and in the community.

I had really gone out of my way to help him.

To know he was no longer in the world, hurt.

He was a talented athlete, rapper and actor.

He just did not know it.

He was beautiful inside and out.

He just did not see or recognise his talents.

He just did not know his destiny was based on his choices.

He felt his destiny was trapped in being a Londoner and like me London was in his blood and he couldn’t get it out of his system.

I spent the morning phoning his dad, mum and sister and uncle and all the Professionals that I knew had worked with him.

His dad and mum thanked me for all the hard work I had put in with him.

Some of the Professionals I phoned started crying.

Some were a little more collected only because they had heard the news on Saturday.

I spent the whole day at work trying to get on with other cases, but not succeeding.

Management were very understanding. My team were very supportive.

The work we do is not easy.

We touch lives and the young people we touch with our care and compassion touch us.

It is a natural human reaction and response to be touched.

I received the news at 935am and left work at 515am and somehow got home.

I spent the evening at home alone. My family had gone out to football and work and poetry events.

I had told them earlier what happened. They asked after me.

But what do you say?

There are no words.

I spent the evening praying and thinking and reflecting.

I broke my fast and I watched some TV.

I thought about my Business and the lives I want to touch and the more I connected to my deep yearning to heal via my Coaching and the joy I get from healing, the more realised that is my why of the Business.

I suddenly understood that getting time freedom or financial freedom are all side benefits. They are the wrapping paper the real gift is joy i.e. contributing to the world and loving it and feeling fulfilled.

I got clarity on my Business: it is to touch lives and get paid for it.

I know this journey is not an easy one and these next few days and next few weeks are going to be hard.

I feel lost after my loss.

I just know that with these lows there are highs and the Client that died would want me to continue the journey. This is because he loved it when I encouraged him to dream.

He always thanked me for being there.

I so much want to be there for others too so there are no more needless deaths and I can fund knife crime awareness projects and sessions.

I see more and more the foundations of this Business.

I feel more and more aligned to make a success of this Business and am committed to emerging as an Entrepreneur.

Right now being an Employee and being an Entrepreneur is hard as I have to switch from one to another in quite a few times

One thing I love about being an Employee is that you have supervisors that care about you and a team that watches over you and supports you.

I envision to have a team member around me too as an Entrepreneur. I really want to encourage and support.

I am emerging.

I am blossoming.

I hope for you to continue in accompanying me on this journey.

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