Day 9

Yesterday my Manager described me as having tenacity.

I felt like a Superhero trying to save the day with my tenacity.

Perhaps my tenacity is my super power?

Anyway this was my day yesterday.

6am Prayed, Meditated andYoga

630am Emptied out my bag, sorted out what payments, I needed to chase and then sorted out my money purse. Recycled loads of receipts and recorded certain numbers on my phone.

630 to 745am

I tidied up my Dropbox Cloud and made new folders for Clients so I can easily find Recordings of coaching calls and Coaching agreements etc.

I emailed both of my Clients previous coaching call recordings and to one Client an upgraded Coaching agreement.

I emailed query regarding an appointment I had with a Business lawyer that specialises working with Coaches. I know she is about to have a baby and tommorrow her baby is due.

I checked Facebook notifications and posted in the Facebook group I created and call Beat Burn Out.

745am I got ready for work

9am I got to work.

930am to 11am I spent in Risk Stategy Meetings regarding current Clients.

11am to 1230pm

I emailed Professionals working with young people in my Social Work job. I attempted to write my Court Report but did not succeed.

I decided to show my leadership and drafted the template for the letter to young people instructing them to attend a group at my team’s office to explore identity. I consulted another colleague regarding content and used her feedback to improve it. She is the group work coordinator in my team and more experienced in group work and so it was good to get the feedback.

I then emailed the letter template to all the case managers in team to instruct their clients to attend and instructed my Client to attend also.

I also received a phone call from the mother of one of my Clients. She was returning my call as I wanted to check if my current client is ok as he was good friend of the former client that had been murdered. She told me he was very affected by the murder and then she told me she was very worried that her son had been placed where he had been placed. I promised to raise the concern with the team that was assisting my current client with housing and my management. I said I would raise on her behalf but also told her how unhappy I am with the situation as it compromises my Client’s safety.

1230 to 130pm

I liaised with Managers and emailed a number of emails to Colleagues and Managers about this mother’s concerns and my grave concerns. I felt I was on a mission. I needed to protect this teenager as although he got on my nerves and appeared to be invincible and denied all the time he was in danger, the reality is that he is very much in danger and poses a danger to others. I knew in my bones I needed to do what I needed to do to change his placement. I also knew deep down that I would not rest until the people that had placed him there knew his mother’s concern and my concern.

I had full responsibility to pass on the concern and did not have any power in changing his placement.

I felt good that I was clear where my responsibity started and ended.

I also was able to touch in to the responsibity I had within myself to myself. I felt the adrenalin rush and knew I could not carry on for the rest of the day just being a Superhero.

I needed to replenish myself.

130pm to 2pm

When my office phone was having problems, I took it as a sign to take a break. I needed to let go and let others do what they needed to do.

I felt hungry. Nuts and seeds were not going to keep me going.

I walked to the hospital and treated myself to half an hour purchasing a sandwich and gathering my thoughts.

I ate my sandwich at my desk.

I checked the Facebook group notifications. I kept focus not distracting myself with Newsfeed or emails that got me to buy this or that.

I then returned to my computer.

2pm to 345pm

I continued to email concerns to managers and accommodation providers about my concern regarding this current Client’s placement and that his placement needs to be changed as a matter of urgency. It was relief to get the assurances from colleagues that police intelligence confirmed he was very unsafe in where he had been placed. I forwarded this confirmation from Colleagues onto Managers and providers.

345pm to 435pm

I travelled on a bus to see this teenage Client who is unsafe in his placement at the usual youth club we meet in.

The bus journey, I used to snooze off. I realised the adrenalin rush in the constant activity of constant emails and phone calls and replies, had depleted my energy.

I arrived at the youth club at 435pm

435pm to 445pm

I felt I needed to keep my meeting with this teenager short.

I was mindful of the Court report due on Tuesday was still only an eighth completed. I needed an hour or two more to complete it or at least put the majority of flesh on it.

I told this teenager that his social worker will meet with him tommorrow at his placement and checked if he actually felt safe. He said of course he did. I decided to be very sarcastic in my response. He surprisingly gave me a hug at my sarcasm. I felt he appreciated my concern for him. He walked off quickly in his usual direction of Central London.

445pm to 515pm

I travelled back to the office by bus. Throughout this journey all I heard was a screaming toddler bawl her lungs out.

It was a very unpleasant journey.

Inside I cried with her. It seemed I was crying with her anyway.

I thought of my murdered client, all the trauma he had witnessed and experienced.

The crying of the child symbolised all that he had gone through but had never expressed.

When I got downstairs to the lower deck of bus, I saw this toddler was sitting on her mother’s lap enjoying her mother’s cuddle. I was so relieved. Although alot of my Clients are abandoned, she was not.

515pm I arrived at the office and worked solidly on the Court report for Tuesday.

It was the most focussed I have ever been.

630pm to 645pm I prayed the mid afternoon prayer Muslims pray.

I lay my weary head on the floor and asked for blessings.

I felt peace despite the turmoil around me.

645pm

I continued with the report. I phoned my husband and he told me he was at work but had cooked earlier and my middle son was at home. I was already aware about my eldest being in the Midlands visiting his old friends.

730pm I left the office and bought a portion of fries to fill me up.

They were nice and warm and the hot oil and no salt and crisp potatoes just warmed up my soul with love. I enjoyed each chip.

The purchase seemed like a guesture to myself of kindness, generosity and love.

I spent a pound on those fries and those fries gave me a million dollar feeling.

I felt so held and loved.

I got on the bus to get home.

I looked out of the window, all the way through the ten minute journey, munching on my fries. I didn’t read or look at my phone. I tried to gather myself, by gathering all my thoughts and feelings. I concluded it has been a crazy week.

I felt good though about my life, my job and my Business.

The Social work I do is not easy. In fact my work and to do it well is impossible. I hold space for others in their trauma, crisis and daily dramas and that I am good at. I cannot always do the recording and assessments in the timely manner, management expect. I do my best but it is impossible to do both well.

I kicked out these negative thoughts in my head: “What I do is pointless!” and “My Work doesn’t make a difference.”

I replaced it with “All I do is to show love and affection to those who many people judge as mad bad or sad.”

“I am evolving to be a leader full of enterprise” and “I feel clear on how I want to lead.” This is what I said to myself as I walked home yesterday.

8pm I arrived home only to my middle son.

815 to 845pm I prayed and relaxed and blogged briefly.

Nearly falling asleep, he woke me up to ask if we could eat together at the table.

845pm to 915pm

We ate together at the dinner table and talked about my youngest son and how him being away for two nights at a residential meant the house is so quiet. He missed his sulking. I told him I missed his being bored.

915pm to 945pm

I attempted to watch Catch 22 the new Channel four TV series with my middle son. It did not engage my attention. I gave up and let my middle son watch his TV.

945pm to 1130

I continued the blog from the day before and it helped me connect to my thoughts and feelings.

In the background, I put on a documentary regarding John Smith and Pochahontas, the real story and was fascinated.

1130 After praying the Night prayer, I retired to bed, knowing I couldn’t read anymore or keep my eyes open anymore.

1145pm

I prayed some silent prayers from my heart of gratefulness and closed my eyes.

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